screw life

the fact that i actually love you,i want to stich the patch back between us.
ill love to know hows your day and how your doing EVERYDAY
ill love to talk to you till the next morning sunrise
ill love to wish you goodnight everyday before i go to sleep
ill love to hear you play and think why am i in love with you.

the fact that i actually love you,i just want you.




but, theres something...

do you love me too ?

dieded.

RIP

HELYNA SIEW SZE CHIE

1993 - 2009

Beloved daughter,sister,friend,bestfriend.

dead and gone.

Murder he wrote to me,
thats howi got murdered.

i know it
i know it till the very first day you were planing to buy
you know i was not happy.i wasnt happy
i was never interested to go there.i never wanna have a look at it
and i never ever wanted to stay here at all.
you know ive said before, and you wanted to slap me for sayingthat
well, look now. what have i become ?
every person have this feeling like "this is gonna go bad"
and i really did. just look at me now.
eversince we shifted, i was fucking depress. i was never happy at home
that explains why im always not home. i love running away from my problems.
im not strong enough to face it. no one is there to help me anyway.
weve been here got like, 5 months and the times ive tried suicidin was like, 3 times.
how long more i can stay like this...i cannot take it anymore.
you always know whats going onn.why ? "because ive been in your age before"
EVERYTHING HAS CHANGE. don take my generation and yours together,tellng me its the same
its nothing same. people change. everything change.
if its the same, there wont be people facing financial prob,
there wont be news of people killing and everything like now.
things change mom, things really have change.
don blame my friends foranything. blame yourself and me,not my friends.
if you think that stopping me from doing stuffs i like would solve everything,
it wouldnt. im dying more inside.i wanna die. i don wanna suffer cutting myself overover again

i need a mom,who is there for me. not a mom who tries and nothing is changing.

i dont know what im talking
screw everything.
thanks

i got a F in life. oh wow.

i dont know.
i keep to many things in my heart and i never share it with anyone
that should explaine how many scars are there on my hand.
i was too hurt till i had nobody to pour it too, but myself..
say it, you know it.
i know it too. im stupid, im dumb,im everything in this world thats makes a lving hell
but i had no choice,i cant think right. infact, i never think at all.
im a failure as a child,im a failure as a student,im a failure in everything.
im a failure in LIFE.
what am i suppose to do now ? should i just end my life or not.
ill definately will end life.i dont wanna suffer through this pain anymore.
it just hurt, always crying myself to sleep.
i dont know what else to say.
all i know is i can say that im sorry,if im not forgiven,just bloody take my life away.
i tried whatever i can. but i never succeded.
theres no one helping me at all.no one giving me confidence to go.
all i ever did was, good. i failed.
and whenever that happns, everyone thinks im happy with it or whatsoever
but,im not. i feel......myself.
i tried hard but....is there anyone there ?
you know who am i,what am i
but never a person is helpng me. even there is, they give up easy
how can i stand even longer ? your not in my shoe.
i understand how people feel, but nobody ever did to me.
i dont know what else more to say.
im freakingly hurt mentally. physically aint obvious.
OMG I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKING.i should just choke and die laughing at myself.


i need someone to be there. someone who i really trust.
i never trusted anyone at all. i only trust myself and thats how myself is now.
im going tru depressions and also suicidal and i look happy outside.
thinking why life is so unfair. life never is.
don take me to god cause i don believe in him\her.


i just wan life to be back like before. when i had a happy life,i never go tru depressions
but, i guess thats not gonna happen.is it ?
i had enough of this shit.

ohwell goodbye.

STOPPING.

should i quit gaming ? msn ? wottheheck. quit going online.
i miss the way how you guys already come running to me when you see me on,
its like you really meant it. but now ? nothing.hmm.
maybe i shouldnt go online to often aready.

QUIT OR NOTTTTT....

bestfriend

ive known you long, but theres something i want you to know.

i never trusted you. never !
and i feel... hopeless being your bstfriend.
you trust me with all yourlife but i never trusted you.
not after of what youve said to people.
stuffs i don feel like letting others know.

sometimes i wonder whats going on in your mind.
are you dumb or you did it on purpose so everyone will like you,
all eyes on you. everyone attention on you..

wow,youvegrownupalready,somatureofyou.

sarcasticly.

LONGLOST.

you said you will call, but you dint.
i was shock when i saw your there with everyone which you promise to call.
i............
bish you.
everything to you is "is like that wan la"
wanna know something else ?

IT IS LIKE THAT.

stop acting nice. i hate it.
gahhh...

btw,im glad you did today.